This past year has been a long, and slow process in learning to wait.
And not just learning to wait, but learning in the wait.
A little over a year ago I knew that God had not called our little family to live out the standard "American Dream".Before that, I was scared that we were in ministry as a profession. I was scared that it might mean we never retired, never owned a home, moved a lot and never had anything extra to save. I wanted the security of those things and felt it only natural to have.
(side note: it's okay if the above is your life- no intention of making anyone feel like that is wrong.)
And then God clearly said, "I have more in store for you...I'm calling you out"
And from that moment I didn't care if we ever owned a home, if we had money for retirement, if we ever retired, or if we put money aside for anything. I knew that we were called to be in full time ministry for the rest of our lives.
Those words would have scared me several years ago, but now I have complete peace.
My security doesn't rest in things, or money. It rests in Him.
That doesn't mean we aren't smart and wise in our decisions, setting aside money for emergencies and such....but it does mean that for us, there is a whole lot more important things to focus on......
Like what the heck God was going to do with us.
Once I spoke those words, I was ready. Let's jump! Bring it on! Adventure awaits! The old worrisome nature was gone and I was ready to live reckless for Him!
But instead of leaving the following week for Uganda like I wanted to, or some big adventure being dropped in our laps... we've been on a waiting journey.
It hasn't been easy, I mean...I was ready to jump. And remember, I'm impatient.
I am slowly learning, that we are in a huge transition time. There is a reason for this waiting and instead of fighting it, and wishing it were over and wanting things to hurry up and happen, I am surrendering to the process and what God is wanting to teach us.
Not that nothing has happened. A ton of little things have happened, mostly in our hearts and behind the scenes. It's all playing a part of whatever comes next......
An incredible friend of our family (since I was a wee tot) has given Trevor and I some wonderful counsel and recommended a book to us. It has been exactly what we needed, especially for me the impatient one.
The Land Between "In The Land Between, author Jeff Manion uses the biblical story of the Israelite's journey through Sinai desert as a metaphor for being in undesired, transitional space.....The Land Between explores the way in which their reactions can provide insight and guidance on how to respond to God during our own seasons of difficult transition. The book provides fresh biblical insight for people traveling through undesired transitions who are looking for hope, guidance, and encouragement.
While it is possible to move through transitions and learn little, they provide our greatest opportunity for spiritual growth. God desires to meet us in our chaos and emotional upheaval, and he intends for us to encounter his goodness and provision during these upsetting seasons."
(from Amazon website in description of book)
Instead of wanting to hurry up and get to the next thing, allowing myself to see what God is teaching me during this time will have great impact on what lies ahead.
I can either trust Him with this time, and with our lives and recognize there is a reason in this waiting time and learn and grow in Him. Or I can fight it and be impatient and ready for the next step.
I choose the former. I don't want this time to be wasted. I know the facts, I know God has called us out for something for His purpose, that hasn't changed. There will be a change coming, although only He knows what it is.
We still want to adopt, but instead of doing so within a few months of God laying that on our hearts...we could be years out from that.
I still want to have a teen Mom house, but instead of that being up and running in the next year or two it could be several...it could be in another country, it could look completely different.
Our dreams and desires have not changed...but I am learning that HE is never late. He is always on time.
Choosing to accept this time as a beautiful time of growth has lifted such a weight from my heart. I don't have to worry or feel like we are missing out on something....because I know He has orchestrated this whole thing...our lives. He has great things ahead for us, and what we learn now will be of great help in the times ahead.
Maybe you are in an "in between time"...a time of great transition and you feel a little lost, a little impatient at the process. I encourage you to see this time for what it could be, and maybe even check out the book I mentioned as something to read in addition to your Bible.